i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Text me some of your sweat
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
