Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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