I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
