totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
