R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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