At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
