Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
