if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
