Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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