i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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