if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
