i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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