Fuck appropriateness.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
