You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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