She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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