jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
