Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
