I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
