Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
