how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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