He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
