Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
