somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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