I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
