the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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