I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
