the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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