What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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