think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
