Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
