woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
