It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
