If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
