Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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