I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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