in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
