It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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