it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
