I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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