who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
