their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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