There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
