Don't make out with my wife yet
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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