I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
