does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
