I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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