Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
