I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize