I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
