Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize