Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
operation harelip BJ is a go
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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