3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
