someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
