I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
soo... how was my night?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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