somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
