Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
