woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
