Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
