Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
