So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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