I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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