Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
