hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
