My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
