Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
