Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
