Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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