I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
