TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
