you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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