I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
