and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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