why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
