she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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