oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
