Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
