sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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